Turning Lead into Gold
Writing can be a practice of alchemy. From my earliest days as a writer when I was fifteen years old, I wrote as a way of understand the world and my human experience. There was so much that I didn't understand. So much of my life left me feeling as if there was no ground under my feet. My writing was like a life raft that kept me from feeling completely lost or drowning.
At fifteen, I wasn't a very good writer, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that it gave me comfort when I desperately needed it. Now that I am older and have the perspective of my age, I can look back on my life and take all of the most painful experiences and turn them into gold through my writing.
In the summer of 1992, I bought a one-bedroom condo in Aurora. I assumed a mortgage for $40,000. The condo had a Jacuzzi, a private patio, a fireplace, and a second patio that opened up to an inner courtyard. It was across the street from a park. I lived there for 5 years. One of the worst decisions I ever made in my life was to sell that condo.
After living there for five years, I sold it for $50,000. Today, fifteen years after the purchase date, it would probably be paid off. I would have been able to rent it for at least $750 per month and it would probably sell today for over $100,000.
Now, with 20/20 hindsight, I can see that selling it was a huge mistake. But I can’t go back into the past and change that decision. However, I can take a penetrating look at my life and my mental state at the time when I sold the condo and do my best to understand what led me to make that decision. At least I can say that it is a fascinating story. So I will turn my lead (the painful and dark moments in my life) into gold. Maybe I will write a memoir that will become a bestseller and I’ll make back all the money I lost by selling that condo!
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Take a Trip
In my experience, I have found that taking a trip is often one of the best ways to get focused and stimulate your imagination and inspiration. Over the week of the July 4th holiday, I was able to take a trip to Steamboat Springs. Knowing that I would be completely removing myself from my normal, every day environment for a week, I decided to take my manuscripts with me and get some work done.
Of course, I always imagine that I can accomplish more than is actually possible, but at least I'm ambitious.
Okay... I admit it... I haven't accomplished anywhere near what I'd hoped I would accomplish, but that's okay too. I have gotten plenty of work done during my "vacation" and I've taken time to relax and vegetate as well, which I believe is equally important to the creative process.
I'm not exactly sure why, but I've come to understand that part of the creative process includes a time to completely "empty" the mind. I think it's like starting fresh on a new project. You need a blank sheet of paper, a new slab of clay, a clean white canvas, or whatever medium you work with.
The mind is also a slate for creating and needs to be "wiped clean" occasionally. I'm certainly not implying the frying of brain cells in order to do this! You'll need those brain cells. Rather I am suggesting that sometimes it's good to do absolutely nothing "productive."
Some of my time this week has been devoted to work, and some of it has been given to doing absolutely nothing productive -- without guilt! Allowing yourself down-time without guilt is essential to recreation (re-creation). Guilt consumes an enormous amount of energy and brain space, so if you're going to relax, let yourself do so guilt-free.
Lie by the pool; get a tan; sit in a hot tub; take a long, leisurely walk; visit a beautiful garden; watch television; sleep late; just do whatever you feel like doing. It'll help recharge your creative batteries.
Of course, I always imagine that I can accomplish more than is actually possible, but at least I'm ambitious.
Okay... I admit it... I haven't accomplished anywhere near what I'd hoped I would accomplish, but that's okay too. I have gotten plenty of work done during my "vacation" and I've taken time to relax and vegetate as well, which I believe is equally important to the creative process.
I'm not exactly sure why, but I've come to understand that part of the creative process includes a time to completely "empty" the mind. I think it's like starting fresh on a new project. You need a blank sheet of paper, a new slab of clay, a clean white canvas, or whatever medium you work with.
The mind is also a slate for creating and needs to be "wiped clean" occasionally. I'm certainly not implying the frying of brain cells in order to do this! You'll need those brain cells. Rather I am suggesting that sometimes it's good to do absolutely nothing "productive."
Some of my time this week has been devoted to work, and some of it has been given to doing absolutely nothing productive -- without guilt! Allowing yourself down-time without guilt is essential to recreation (re-creation). Guilt consumes an enormous amount of energy and brain space, so if you're going to relax, let yourself do so guilt-free.
Lie by the pool; get a tan; sit in a hot tub; take a long, leisurely walk; visit a beautiful garden; watch television; sleep late; just do whatever you feel like doing. It'll help recharge your creative batteries.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Revising
A few weeks have passed since I finished the first draft of The Bohemian Life. My post-partum blues only lasted for a few days, then I dove whole-heartedly into the task of revising. The upside of having taken so long to finish the first draft is that over the years I have done many revisions, so this time it went very quickly and smoothly. That made the experience quite pleasurable and satisfying.
Not to imply that it's always so easy, but occasionally things do go smoothly and this was one of those times. After I went through it once, making corrections, there were four chapters that still required a bit more polishing (which I hope to finish today!). Then I will be able to read through the entire manuscript quickly from beginning to end the way I would read a novel.
During the "fast read," I'll make corrections on the pages. Then I'll go back through, making corrections and printing out a fresh copy. Then I hand it over to someone else for proofreading and editing.
It's a wonderful feeling to be so close to completion, but it's also a bit nerve-wracking as I wish I were there now!
Oh well... this is the life of a writer.
Not to imply that it's always so easy, but occasionally things do go smoothly and this was one of those times. After I went through it once, making corrections, there were four chapters that still required a bit more polishing (which I hope to finish today!). Then I will be able to read through the entire manuscript quickly from beginning to end the way I would read a novel.
During the "fast read," I'll make corrections on the pages. Then I'll go back through, making corrections and printing out a fresh copy. Then I hand it over to someone else for proofreading and editing.
It's a wonderful feeling to be so close to completion, but it's also a bit nerve-wracking as I wish I were there now!
Oh well... this is the life of a writer.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Post-Partum Blues
I recently finished a book-length manuscript and felt really fantastic for about 24 hours. Then I felt kind of depressed. I wondered what was wrong with me. I was searching and searching for answers. Maybe I'm not getting enough exercise? Maybe I should take supplements? Maybe I should spend more time outdoors in the fresh air and sunshine. I knew all of those things would be helpful, so I did them all, but I also remembered that the last time I finished a book-length manuscript, I had the same experience of melancholy.
I didn't know what was wrong with me. Why would I feel depressed after I had just accomplished such a wonderful feat? I discussed it with a couple of people and my mom suggested that I was probably experiencing something similar to post-partum blues. I thought about it and it rang true. After all, it's a major creative investment -- an investment of one's time, energy, emotions, etc.
When you finish a major project like that, of course, you're going to feel like a million bucks for the first 24 hours, but then suddenly it's like you don't know what to do with yourself. That child you've put everything into creating is now born into the world and you are left feeling depleted and maybe even a bit lost and confused.
Having gone through this experience now several times, I wanted to share my hard-earned wisdom with others so that if you have this same reaction, you'll understand that there is absolutely nothing wrong. It is a perfectly natural response when you finish a major creative project. Just let it be part of the process.
Most women, after giving birth, need a few days of serious recovery, sometimes staying in bed for a few days afterward while they recoup their strength, then a few weeks before their bodies are able to do the things they used to do (I made the mistake of trying to walk three miles just a few weeks after giving birth, which had been no problem before, and nearly collapsed before I got back home). Then it takes a few months, sometimes years, to get the body back to pre-baby condition.
So give yourself the recovery time you need and remember that it is completely normal and natural. Stay in bed for three days and sleep, read, or watch t.v. if that's what you feel like doing. Or if you want, just take yourself out and have fun. Go to the movies, go for a hike, putter in the garden, hang out with friends, whatever gives you pleasure. Eventually you'll be ready to work again, but give yourself that down-time before you jump back into it full-swing. It's all part of the creative process.
I didn't know what was wrong with me. Why would I feel depressed after I had just accomplished such a wonderful feat? I discussed it with a couple of people and my mom suggested that I was probably experiencing something similar to post-partum blues. I thought about it and it rang true. After all, it's a major creative investment -- an investment of one's time, energy, emotions, etc.
When you finish a major project like that, of course, you're going to feel like a million bucks for the first 24 hours, but then suddenly it's like you don't know what to do with yourself. That child you've put everything into creating is now born into the world and you are left feeling depleted and maybe even a bit lost and confused.
Having gone through this experience now several times, I wanted to share my hard-earned wisdom with others so that if you have this same reaction, you'll understand that there is absolutely nothing wrong. It is a perfectly natural response when you finish a major creative project. Just let it be part of the process.
Most women, after giving birth, need a few days of serious recovery, sometimes staying in bed for a few days afterward while they recoup their strength, then a few weeks before their bodies are able to do the things they used to do (I made the mistake of trying to walk three miles just a few weeks after giving birth, which had been no problem before, and nearly collapsed before I got back home). Then it takes a few months, sometimes years, to get the body back to pre-baby condition.
So give yourself the recovery time you need and remember that it is completely normal and natural. Stay in bed for three days and sleep, read, or watch t.v. if that's what you feel like doing. Or if you want, just take yourself out and have fun. Go to the movies, go for a hike, putter in the garden, hang out with friends, whatever gives you pleasure. Eventually you'll be ready to work again, but give yourself that down-time before you jump back into it full-swing. It's all part of the creative process.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Just Write And Don't Stop
Todays' Daily Writing Adventure is to intentionally write a run-on sentence.
Write for one minute in a single, long sentence on any topic. Write about something you see every day. Go!
Every day, the same thing. She wakes up to the sun illuminating her window; she smells the scent of the ocean breeze wafting in through the open shutters. The climate is such perfection on the Cote D'Azur, there is never any reason to close the window or the shutters, so it has the quality of living outdoors, then she's up, shuffling to the view, checking to see what color the ocean will be today: blue, sky blue, turquoise, green, azur, light-blue, grey-blue, saphire, what other shades of blue are there? She knows that living here, she will come to know every shade of blue that exists. Then the sundress goes over her head, arms in, slips down her firm body, sandals on, lipgloss, fluff hair, looks good, no need to brush the teeth. She'll have coffee in a few minutes.... grabbing her bag, she checks to make sure everything is there: money, gum, lipgloss, pens, journal, manuscript.... yes, it's all there. Out the door she goes, pulling it tight and checking to make sure it's locked, suddenly she smiles, knowing that she is safe there, none of the people who used to bother her have come around and she is finally free... there is even a recognition that she, once upon a time, used to create unnecessary drama in her life. Why was that? I don't know, but it's gone now and I'm happy about that. My life is nearly perfect now. If only, if only. How I miss you, my love. But she won't let that stop her. She is on a mission to be a wealthy, famous, best-selling novelist. She will not allow the pain to interfer with the plan. She must continue on... ever onward... down the stairs, out the door, into a beautiful fall day on the French Riviera, how blessed she is to have this amazing life, into the cafe and up to the counter. Bon jour! she says, smiling at the young man who always has the coffee freshly brewed and ready to go. Bon jour, Kate. He smiles. Cafe au lait? Ah oui, she says. He knows the routine and prepares her morning elixir, then she is off to her favorite computer, logging into her email account and re-reading the last email from Tom. She knows she must respond and feels that she is now up to the task. She will be brave and say all the right things. She will be a trooper, keep her head held high, then trudge on through the day, classes, research, writing, socializing, all with a smile permanently etched onto her face.
Okay, I think that was actually 15 minutes. I said to write for one minute because I knew that you would think it impossible to write one, long sentence for fifteen minutes, but you'll find once you get started, you just keep going. I also discovered that it's harder than you think to write without using a period. As you can see from my example, I couldn't help putting in periods. I did it without even thinking about it, but I didn't go back and change anything because this is just a fun, free-writing exercise. Now it's your turn. Go, go, go!
Write for one minute in a single, long sentence on any topic. Write about something you see every day. Go!
Every day, the same thing. She wakes up to the sun illuminating her window; she smells the scent of the ocean breeze wafting in through the open shutters. The climate is such perfection on the Cote D'Azur, there is never any reason to close the window or the shutters, so it has the quality of living outdoors, then she's up, shuffling to the view, checking to see what color the ocean will be today: blue, sky blue, turquoise, green, azur, light-blue, grey-blue, saphire, what other shades of blue are there? She knows that living here, she will come to know every shade of blue that exists. Then the sundress goes over her head, arms in, slips down her firm body, sandals on, lipgloss, fluff hair, looks good, no need to brush the teeth. She'll have coffee in a few minutes.... grabbing her bag, she checks to make sure everything is there: money, gum, lipgloss, pens, journal, manuscript.... yes, it's all there. Out the door she goes, pulling it tight and checking to make sure it's locked, suddenly she smiles, knowing that she is safe there, none of the people who used to bother her have come around and she is finally free... there is even a recognition that she, once upon a time, used to create unnecessary drama in her life. Why was that? I don't know, but it's gone now and I'm happy about that. My life is nearly perfect now. If only, if only. How I miss you, my love. But she won't let that stop her. She is on a mission to be a wealthy, famous, best-selling novelist. She will not allow the pain to interfer with the plan. She must continue on... ever onward... down the stairs, out the door, into a beautiful fall day on the French Riviera, how blessed she is to have this amazing life, into the cafe and up to the counter. Bon jour! she says, smiling at the young man who always has the coffee freshly brewed and ready to go. Bon jour, Kate. He smiles. Cafe au lait? Ah oui, she says. He knows the routine and prepares her morning elixir, then she is off to her favorite computer, logging into her email account and re-reading the last email from Tom. She knows she must respond and feels that she is now up to the task. She will be brave and say all the right things. She will be a trooper, keep her head held high, then trudge on through the day, classes, research, writing, socializing, all with a smile permanently etched onto her face.
Okay, I think that was actually 15 minutes. I said to write for one minute because I knew that you would think it impossible to write one, long sentence for fifteen minutes, but you'll find once you get started, you just keep going. I also discovered that it's harder than you think to write without using a period. As you can see from my example, I couldn't help putting in periods. I did it without even thinking about it, but I didn't go back and change anything because this is just a fun, free-writing exercise. Now it's your turn. Go, go, go!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
The Courage to Write
I think writing makes me more sane. I'd go crazy if I couldn't write. It's a way of making sense out of life. Otherwise it would all be a jumbled up mess in my mind and I'd have to drink beer and martinis to shrink my brain, burn it out, kill it, or poison it. Like when I was a teenager and my friends and I tried to kill a spider by dousing it in Jack Daniels. It still gives me the creeps just thinking about it.
So I write instead. I actually get sane by delving into the depths of anything scary, crazy, or painful with total courage. Once I've done that, whatever it was that scared me or caused me pain loses its power over me. Though I can't say that it's easy. I actually see a lot of people in writers' workshops who desperately want to write, but are absolutely terrified to face what's lurking deep inside.
I'm starting a new email newsletter that I'll be sending out soon. If you’re reading this, you’re probably on my mailing list. If you have any ideas for things I could discuss in the newsletter, feel free to send them my way. I've also got several blogs now that I'm going to try and keep up with on a regular basis.
As far as my latest novel is concerned, all names will be changed to protect the innocent, and probably even more so, to protect the guilty. But the truth is, anyone who has lived is guilty of something. As the main character, Kate Robinson, says in the prologue:
"My latest novel, The Bohemian Life, is a story about a writer who travels to Paris to research and write about the bohemian life. I have always been fascinated by bohemians because they are so non-conformist and live such unconventional lives. They are artists, writers, musicians, performers, intellectuals, radicals, and anarchists. All of that intrigues me, but especially their interest and comfort with the darker side of the human soul....
"This novel is more than just an exploration of the bohemian life and the bohemians such as Henry Miller, Pablo Picasso, Jean-Paul Sartre, Earnest Hemingway, Anais Nin, Henri Matisse, and others; it is also a confession of every single wicked, evil, dirty, nasty, naughty, vile thing I’ve ever done in my life. I feel driven to confess all of my sins to the world. It’s become an obsession for me...."
Does it make you want to read more? I hope so, 'cause that's the whole point.
So I write instead. I actually get sane by delving into the depths of anything scary, crazy, or painful with total courage. Once I've done that, whatever it was that scared me or caused me pain loses its power over me. Though I can't say that it's easy. I actually see a lot of people in writers' workshops who desperately want to write, but are absolutely terrified to face what's lurking deep inside.
I'm starting a new email newsletter that I'll be sending out soon. If you’re reading this, you’re probably on my mailing list. If you have any ideas for things I could discuss in the newsletter, feel free to send them my way. I've also got several blogs now that I'm going to try and keep up with on a regular basis.
As far as my latest novel is concerned, all names will be changed to protect the innocent, and probably even more so, to protect the guilty. But the truth is, anyone who has lived is guilty of something. As the main character, Kate Robinson, says in the prologue:
"My latest novel, The Bohemian Life, is a story about a writer who travels to Paris to research and write about the bohemian life. I have always been fascinated by bohemians because they are so non-conformist and live such unconventional lives. They are artists, writers, musicians, performers, intellectuals, radicals, and anarchists. All of that intrigues me, but especially their interest and comfort with the darker side of the human soul....
"This novel is more than just an exploration of the bohemian life and the bohemians such as Henry Miller, Pablo Picasso, Jean-Paul Sartre, Earnest Hemingway, Anais Nin, Henri Matisse, and others; it is also a confession of every single wicked, evil, dirty, nasty, naughty, vile thing I’ve ever done in my life. I feel driven to confess all of my sins to the world. It’s become an obsession for me...."
Does it make you want to read more? I hope so, 'cause that's the whole point.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Short Assignments
Just one paragraph. That's all.
In Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott says that one of the best pieces of advice she can give to writers is to do short assignments. I agree with this completely. It is so strange that we human beings seem to think that when we pick up pen and paper to write, or turn on the computer, we are about to create the most profound work of literature ever known to humankind and change the world forever.
No wonder we get writers' block and find any excuse under the sun to avoid going near that terrifying manuscript. It's worse than a sabor-toothed tiger hiding under the jungle ferns just waiting to rip us to shreds for dinner.
So that's why I'm telling you now: Just do one paragraph. That's all. It's enough. You'll see.
In Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott says that one of the best pieces of advice she can give to writers is to do short assignments. I agree with this completely. It is so strange that we human beings seem to think that when we pick up pen and paper to write, or turn on the computer, we are about to create the most profound work of literature ever known to humankind and change the world forever.
No wonder we get writers' block and find any excuse under the sun to avoid going near that terrifying manuscript. It's worse than a sabor-toothed tiger hiding under the jungle ferns just waiting to rip us to shreds for dinner.
So that's why I'm telling you now: Just do one paragraph. That's all. It's enough. You'll see.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Move On
Can't Get Inspired No Matter How Hard You Try? Just Move On To Something Else!
A writer must learn and develop a healthy balance between discipline and inspiration. Being an artist, writer, or otherwise creative person is like doing magic. Imagine you're in the midst of a scene from a Harry Potter movie. The young wizards are in their potions class, stirring up some powerful magic potion. Envision all the details that you possibly can: you can see the room full of the young students in their long black robes, wands in their hands, stirring the potion as it steams and boils.
What are they going to do with that potion?
The potion is like the creative magic within you. You are a caldron of steaming, boiling magic potion. Your wand is your pen. Pull out your pen and get ready to do some amazing magic spells. Dip the pen ever so slightly into that caldron and see what happens. You have to know how to work with it just right. If you dip the pen into the caldron at the wrong place or at the wrong depth, at the wrong time of day, wrong setting, wrong season, or say the wrong incantation, you won't get the magic you're hoping to create.
Who knows what you'll get? Maybe something good will come from it anyway. Or maybe nothing.
Whatever you're doing, if you can't make the magic happen, then try something different. You're a writing wizard. Do what any good wizard would do. Call on your magical resources and cook up something new and different.
Know when you're stuck. Know when what you're doing isn't going to work and move onto something new and mysterious, something that gets your juices flowing again.
Just remember though, this isn't an excuse for lack of discipline or laziness. Instead, looking in a new direction is just one of the wizard's magic tricks.
(As an example, I'm currently finishing up a novel and I'm stuck on chapter 33. But nothing is coming to mind right now, so rather than doing nothing, I'm simply going to move onto chapter 34 and come back to chapter 33 later, when the moon is full, the dew is glistening on the black widow's web, and the wolves are howling....)
A writer must learn and develop a healthy balance between discipline and inspiration. Being an artist, writer, or otherwise creative person is like doing magic. Imagine you're in the midst of a scene from a Harry Potter movie. The young wizards are in their potions class, stirring up some powerful magic potion. Envision all the details that you possibly can: you can see the room full of the young students in their long black robes, wands in their hands, stirring the potion as it steams and boils.
What are they going to do with that potion?
The potion is like the creative magic within you. You are a caldron of steaming, boiling magic potion. Your wand is your pen. Pull out your pen and get ready to do some amazing magic spells. Dip the pen ever so slightly into that caldron and see what happens. You have to know how to work with it just right. If you dip the pen into the caldron at the wrong place or at the wrong depth, at the wrong time of day, wrong setting, wrong season, or say the wrong incantation, you won't get the magic you're hoping to create.
Who knows what you'll get? Maybe something good will come from it anyway. Or maybe nothing.
Whatever you're doing, if you can't make the magic happen, then try something different. You're a writing wizard. Do what any good wizard would do. Call on your magical resources and cook up something new and different.
Know when you're stuck. Know when what you're doing isn't going to work and move onto something new and mysterious, something that gets your juices flowing again.
Just remember though, this isn't an excuse for lack of discipline or laziness. Instead, looking in a new direction is just one of the wizard's magic tricks.
(As an example, I'm currently finishing up a novel and I'm stuck on chapter 33. But nothing is coming to mind right now, so rather than doing nothing, I'm simply going to move onto chapter 34 and come back to chapter 33 later, when the moon is full, the dew is glistening on the black widow's web, and the wolves are howling....)
Create a Collage
One of the things that writers often struggle with is coming up with ideas in order to get started writing. I'm having that problem today. I have a chapter that I need to finish and I know what needs to be covered in the chapter, but I can't figure out how to get started.
So, I came up with an idea to help out with this problem -- start a collage.
Mine is beginning to form on the wall behind my computer. I can't help but see it because it's right there on the wall as I'm typing on my computer. Basically what I've done is print out pictures of people who remind me of my characters. That way when I look at them, I think about them. I imagine what they are doing and that stimulates my imagination for writing.
You can use anything for your collage, as long as you can tape it to the wall, or you could create the collage on cardboard if you prefer. There are an infinite number of pictures on the internet. Just type in the subject you need to search and eventually you'll find what you need. You can save the images in a file on your computer, or print them out and add them to your collage so you can see them while you're writing. Then choose something from the collage and do a 15-minute timed writing. Go!
So, I came up with an idea to help out with this problem -- start a collage.
Mine is beginning to form on the wall behind my computer. I can't help but see it because it's right there on the wall as I'm typing on my computer. Basically what I've done is print out pictures of people who remind me of my characters. That way when I look at them, I think about them. I imagine what they are doing and that stimulates my imagination for writing.
You can use anything for your collage, as long as you can tape it to the wall, or you could create the collage on cardboard if you prefer. There are an infinite number of pictures on the internet. Just type in the subject you need to search and eventually you'll find what you need. You can save the images in a file on your computer, or print them out and add them to your collage so you can see them while you're writing. Then choose something from the collage and do a 15-minute timed writing. Go!
Friday, May 18, 2007
Talking Heads
Things People Do While Talking (to avoid the Talking Heads in White Space Syndrome)
1) Sip a cup of tea
2) Sip a cup of coffee
3) Smoke a cigarette
4) nibble absent-mindedly at a hang-nail
5) look at their watch (if they are bored)
6) chew on a straw
7) eat dinner (or other meal)
8) butter some bread
9) cook dinner (or other meal)
10) serve drinks
11) twirl strand of hair
12) pick at teeth with a toothpick
13) drink a soda
1) Sip a cup of tea
2) Sip a cup of coffee
3) Smoke a cigarette
4) nibble absent-mindedly at a hang-nail
5) look at their watch (if they are bored)
6) chew on a straw
7) eat dinner (or other meal)
8) butter some bread
9) cook dinner (or other meal)
10) serve drinks
11) twirl strand of hair
12) pick at teeth with a toothpick
13) drink a soda
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